Girlfriend
by Exactly.As.Planned
Summary: “Spencer,” Lassiter spoke, “your eye is fine, right?” Shawn blinked his good eye and his look turned ice cold. “So, Chief, can we have our… Payment?” Shawn asked sweetly. His playful mood was lost in that one blink. The chief glared at Lassiter. -New Sum.


**~Girlfriend~**

**Rating: IDK, K+ or T**

**Pairing: Shassiter, implied Shawn/Gus**

**Warnings: Slash, Shassie, Don't like, press the back button, Jassie bashing (Jules/Lassie), Juliet bashing**

**Disclaimer: I wish I owned Psych, but if I did, hello subtle slash… Song… I dunno if I changed the lyrics but, if I did, I own the changes…. **

"Lassie-FACE!!!" Shawn screamed, running into the SBPD. He found Lassiter talking to Juliet, his girlfriend. They were only dating because Lassiter was comforting her from being rejected by Shawn. Lassiter looked up. Oh joy. The tease arrived. And he'd just got the girl beside him to stop her crying. Juliet held her head high and glared icily at Shawn who paid her no mind and instead bounded up to Lassiter. "Hi Lassie-Face! I was just thinking about you!" It was well known that Shawn was bisexual. It was also well known in the SBPD that Shawn rejected Juliet for Lassiter. Shawn had his hands behind his back, twirling an iPod in his hands. "Can we go-"

"Spencer, no. I'm doing something," Lassiter said, putting his arm around Juliet's shoulders. It was Shawn's fault Lassie was in that situation anyways. Might as well make Shawn taste his own medicine. But Shawn merely smiled and shrugged.

"Okee-doke, Lassie-Face, Juliet." He tucked the iPod in his pocket, humming to himself as he turned around. "MILLY McFILLET!" he yelled.

"Sh-Shawn!" Gus ran up, panting heavily.

"Milly, there you are," Shawn said. Gus huffed and looked over Shawn's shoulder at Lassiter and Juliet. Shawn offered Gus his hand. "We aren't gonna be needed here today." And only Gus heard and saw the hurt in Shawn. Which made it all more the worse when some random cop came up and asked Shawn why he looked like he was about to cry, because _only_ Gus and Henry could read Shawn Spencer. So Lassiter really hurt Shawn.

"Shawn…" Gus murmured.

"No," Shawn whispered in fear of his voice cracking. "Let's just leave. We can go to the office and laze around."

"Which means you're going to cry," Gus clarified, unaware that Lassiter and Juliet were listening. Shawn smiled sadly.

"Milly, you know me too well." He grinned at everyone and jumped on a near-by desk. "This will be the day you'll always remember as the day you _almost. Caught. Psychic. Shawn. Spencer_!" he yelled before jumping off the table and running out of the building. Gus groaned.

"SHAWN!" he yelled.

"Guster," Lassiter called, "what the hell were you two talking about?" Gus looked over his shoulder.

"Psychic Shawn Spencer," he said, completely serious, and he ran.

Juliet looked at Lassiter. "I really think you were the one that made _Shawn_ cry. I'm in shock," she said.

**-The Next Day-**

The next morning found Gus dragging Shawn into the SBPD forcefully using handcuffs cuffed on Shawn and rope to drag the brunette man by the handcuffs into the office. Shawn was glaring in silence at the ground as he was dragged in. People looked at them funny as Gus dragged him through the building. "Shawn!" Gus yelled. "I will take Mr. Pumpkin Puffs away if you do not cooperate. Shawn's eyes widened in fear.

"Not Mr. Pumpkin Puffs!" he whispered.

"Then come on Shawn!" Shawn reluctantly followed Gus to Lassiter's desk. Before they rounded the corner, Gus removed Shawn's bonds. "Remember, Mr. Pumpkin Puffs," he warned and he led Shawn forward. "Detective," he said loudly. Carlton looked up from his paper work.

"What?" he said coldly, looking from Gus to the tease and back again.

Shawn stepped forward and glared at the floor. His hair was covering his eyes as he spoke. "I'm only doing this for Mr. Pumpkin Puffs." Lassiter raised a brow Shawn didn't see.

Shawn put the ear buds of the iPod in and found his song and he jumped on the nearest thing, which happened to be a stool.

"**Hey, hey, you, you**

**I don't like your girlfriend**

**No way, no way**

**I think you need a new one**

**Hey, hey, you, you**

**I could be your boyfriend ."**

Shawn sighed. This was going to be hell, especially since he saw Juliet come over to see what was up. If she cried… He was going to hurt something. Lassiter glared, trying to make eye contact with Shawn, but his hair managed to cover his hazel eyes today.

Taking a deep breath, Shawn began singing again.

"**Hey, hey, you, you**

**I know that you like me**

**No way, no way**

**No, it's not a secret**

**Hey, hey, you, you**

**I want to be your boyfriend~."**

He closed his eyes and hissed as he heard Juliet sniffle. God. Seriously, she better not cry. She really best not cry. Shawn's hands clenched into fists as she sniffled again. Gus shot Juliet a look and nodded towards Shawn's fists and his hair covering his eyes.

"**You're so fine I want you mine you're so delicious**

**I think about you all the time you're so addictive**

**Don't you know what I can do to make you feel alright (Alright...)~."**

Shawn inwardly smirked as he heard Juliet sniffle again. She just really wanted him to break something, didn't she? He looked up. He could see through his hair that hid his eyes from the world, but they couldn't see his eyes. He watched Juliet look from Lassie to him and back again.

"**Don't pretend I think you know I'm damn precious**

**And hell yeah, I'm the mother fucking psychic**

**I can tell you like me too and you know I'm right (I'm right...)****~."**

He grimaced. Tears slipped down her cheeks as she glared hatefully at him. He grinned. She glared even more. Stupid ho anyways. She looked at Lassiter who was rolling his eyes. The older man went back to doing his paper work and Juliet smirked like she'd won something. But Shawn continued. If he didn't, Gus would kill Mr. Pumpkin Puffs. He almost did it once in the fifth grade. Juliet and Lassiter both gaped as Shawn continued his song.

"**She's like so whatever**

**You could do so much better**

**I think we should get together now**

**And that's what everyone's talking about~."**

Juliet glared as more tears spilled from her eyes. Shawn scoffed and received a glare from Lassiter who received a glower from Gus. Shawn huffed. At the end of his song, he would brush his hair back and retrieve Mr. Pumpkin Puffs from Gus. Shawn grinned to himself and nodded.

"**Hey, hey, you, you**

**I don't like your girlfriend**

**No way, no way**

**I think you need a new one**

**Hey, hey, you, you**

**I could be your boyfriend**

**Hey, hey, you, you**

**I know that you like me**

**No way, no way**

**No, it's not a secret**

**Hey, hey, you, you**

**I want to be your boyfriend~."**

Shawn sighed and rubbed his eyes with the back of his left arm. They burned. Gus noticed and stepped forward but Shawn held up his hand. Gus nodded. Lassiter raised his eyebrows but said nothing.

"**I can see the way, I see the way you look at me**

**And even when you look away I know you think of me**

**I know you talk about me all the time again and again (Again and again...)**

**So come over here and tell me what I wanna hear**

**Better, yet, make your girlfriend disappear**

**I don't wanna hear you say her name ever again (And again...)~."**

Shawn nodded as Juliet began crying. His mind was egging her on, daring her to start sobbing because she looked like someone killed her puppy. Shawn sighed and continued his song.

"**Because...**

**She's like so whatever**

**And you could do so much better**

**I think we should get together now**

**And that's what everyone's talking about**

**Hey, hey, you, you**

**I don't like your girlfriend**

**No way, no way**

**I think you need a new one**

**Hey, hey, you, you**

**I could be your boyfriend**

**Hey, hey, you, you**

**I know that you like me**

**No way, no way**

**No, it's not a secret**

**Hey, hey, you, you**

**I want to be your boyfriend~."**

Shawn grimaced at the itch in his eyes. He rubbed at them again, rougher this time around.

"Shawn! Stop it! I'll give him back, just stop it!" Shawn shook his head and held up his hand.

"**(Uh)**

**In a second you'll be wrapped around my finger**

**'Cause I can, 'cause I can do it better**

**There's no other, so when's it gonna sink in**

**She's so stupid, what the hell were you thinking?**

**(Uh)**

**In a second you'll be wrapped around my finger**

**'Cause I can, 'cause I can do it better**

**There's no other, so when's it gonna sink in**

**She's so stupid, what the hell were you thinking?~."**

Juliet screamed, trying to get Shawn to shut up. He just grinned and rubbed at his eyes. He huffed and closed his itching eyes. Damn Gus and his all.

"**Hey, hey, you, you (Hey)**

**I don't like your girlfriend (Yes)**

**No way, no way (No way)**

**I think you need a new one**

**Hey, hey, you, you (Hey)**

**I could be your boyfriend~."**

Gus hissed and moved forward, trying to grab Shawn who laughed heartily and danced away after he jumped off the stool. This enraged the black man and he began chasing Shawn around Lassiter's desk. Shawn somehow managed to dance away from Gus each time his hands nearly capture the pale man's waist. Shawn laughed heartily each time. It was a sound everyone rather enjoyed hearing after witnessing what happened the day previous. Shawn danced behind Lassiter where he was now cornered by Gus. Lassiter moved.

"**(No way, no way)**

**Hey, hey, you, you (Hey)**

**I know that you like me**

**No way, no way (No way)**

**No, it's not a secret**

**Hey, hey, you, you (Hey)**

**I want to be your boyfriend**

**(No way, no way)~."**

Sang the pseudo-psychic as he jumped on Lassie's desk and to the other side of it as Gus dove for him. He danced behind the chief and Juliet and spun around Juliet as Gus lunged at the spot he previously occupied. He rubbed harshly at his eyes. When he pulled his arm away, he saw traces of blood.

"**(Hey hey!)**

**Hey, hey, you, you**

**I don't like your girlfriend (No way!)**

**No way, no way**

**I think you need a new one (Hey!)**

**Hey, hey, you, you**

**I could be your boyfriend (No way, no way)~."**

As Shawn sang this, he felt around his eyes, looking at his fingers with each prod to find where the blood was. He found it as he began singing again. His voice shook slightly and only Gus and Lassiter heard it. Because Shawn was essentially crying blood, as both of his eye balls were bleeding. It was pretty sad.

"**No way, no way**

**I think you need a new one (Hey!)**

**Hey, hey, you, you**

**I could be your boyfriend (No way, no way)~."**

Shawn danced around Gus. Shawn had his back to everyone so he brushed his hair to the side and Gus' jaw dropped and Shawn covered his eyes again, dancing away. Gus stood their gaping and everyone raised their eyebrows at him except Juliet who was glaring icily at Shawn, tears rolling down her cheeks still.

"**(Hey hey!)**

**Hey, hey, you, you**

**I know that you like me (Now way!)**

**No way, no way**

**No, it's not a secret (Hey!)**

**Hey, hey, you, you (No way)**

**I want to be your boyfriend (No way, no way)~."**

Shawn hissed in pain as he finished that part of the song. His eyes kind of hurt… Wonder why. He blinked and felt a drop of the stinging red stuff roll down his cheeks. Shawn cursed himself. He'd rubbed and scratched his eyes too much and it'd irritated the eye balls and broke through something and now… Obviously, they bled.

"**Hey, hey!~"**

Shawn finished the song, turned the iPod off, took the ear buds out and tossed the iPod to Gus who caught it just in time. "To you, Lassie-Face," Shawn whispered. He then gave a battle cry and attacked Gus, taking his bag. He opened the messenger bag and dug through it until he found the orange stuffed frog. He took it out, closed the bag, threw it at Gus, and ran to hide behind Chief Vick. "I have saved you, Mr. Pumpkin Puffs!" Gus grabbed Shawn's arm.

Glaring, Gus said, "Let's get you to the hospital to look at that, Shawn." Shawn grinned and nodded happily, only too happy to get the hell out of the SBPD.

"Look at _what_?" Lassiter, Juliet, and Karen demanded at once. Shawn flashed Gus this smile- a smile that said 'wait for it'. He spun around to face the trio and brushed his hair back. He grinned and, without waiting for their reactions, bounded out of the building after Gus.

Lassiter, Juliet, and Karen stared at each other blankly. "What…"

"He must've cried too much and then rubbing and scratching at his eyes has done this to him," Juliet said. She sounded like she didn't give a flying fadoogle, but, in truth, her heart ached at the sight of Shawn "crying" blood. Lassiter was even worse off than Juliet. He was mentally berating himself for making Shawn cry, because he really loved the tease. Making him cry was the bane of Carlton's existence but he did anyways.

Karen sighed and walked away, back to her office. She was going to make a few calls to the hospital to talk to Gus.

**-Three Days Later-**

Shawn was nearly himself again. He skipped into the police department with Gus right by his side. Shawn wore an eye patch over his right eye. It was, apparently, infected. His left eye had been saved before it got infected, so he could see. He'd remained in the hospital for two days while they operated on his eye and the day after he was on bed rest, Gus hovering over him and only allowing him up to go to the bathroom and take a shower. He grinned and waved at the people that waved to him and bounded into the chief's office, taking no heed of the meeting of the ending of a case going on inside. "Hello Chief!" he cheered. Gus greeted her quietly.

"Spencer," Karen said. She was expecting him and told him exactly when to come in. He was right on time, for once. "Welcome back." She offered a small smile which got a grin in return. She waved to two chairs beside her. "Sit boys. We'll find a case for you after we finish this meeting." Shawn nodded and bounced to the seat beside Karen, Gus sitting beside him. Gus glanced around at Juliet, Buzz, Lassiter, and some guy he'd never seen before. "Ah. Guster, Spencer, meet Kirk. He and Buzz were replacing you on your leave." Shawn waved at Kirk happily.

"Hi Kirk!"

"Hello Mr. Spencer."

"Shawn."

"Shawn."

"Can we get on with the damn meeting?!" Lassiter burst out angrily. Shawn rolled his good eye and waved his hand airily.

"Do we have an MO?" Karen asked, turning back to the four in front of her. Shawn relaxed in his chair, Gus' hand in his.

Lassiter tore his glare away from their hands and looked at his boss. "She saw him kill the other woman." Karen nodded and Shawn closed his eye. "The weapon was, as found Tuesday, an axe."

"Well that's depressing," Shawn murmured, more for Gus' benefit than anything. Gus sighed and shook his head. Lassiter and Juliet gave them nasty glares but Kirk, Buzz, and Karen grinned. Gus squeezed Shawn's hand at Lassiter's look.

"And he's in custody?"

"Yes, ma'am," Kirk said softly.

"Alright. Dismissed." No one left the room either way. Shawn looked at the chief who smirked back and her gaze was soon on Shawn and Gus' intertwined hands with a smirk adorning her face.

"Shawn," Buzz spoke, "why are you wearing that eye-patch?"

Shawn mock-gasped, his good eye widening. "Haven't you heard?!" Everyone in the room aside from Gus looked confused at Shawn's statement. "Pirates are back and all the rage!" Kirk and Buzz chuckled and Juliet managed to smile.

"But seriously," Kirk chimed. Shawn's grin got, if possible, larger than anyone thought possible.

"My eye, my darling Kirk, is _infected_," Shawn sang the last word. Juliet gaped at him, Lassiter's eyes narrowed, Buzz moved to Shawn's side and gave the man a shoulder massage, Kirk stared, and Karen nodded as she knew.

"Wha-who-why-how?" Juliet whispered. Shawn sighed and ignored her.

"Yup. Surgery for two days straight, then strict bed rest," Shawn added.

"O'Hara asked you a question," Lassiter ground out. Shawn sighed and looked up at them.

"Point being what, Carlton?" he asked coolly and Gus squeezed his hand. "It wasn't even a proper sentence. I could say, for her 'wha', gum, who, me, why, because I wanted to chew it, how, I fell asleep with it in my mouth and woke up with it stuck to my eyeball, but that is not the case, so she is going to have to be specific."

Juliet opened her mouth but was cut off by Gus, "So chief, how about that case?"

Karen smiled and everyone but Kirk was taken aback. He'd seen the glares Gus subtly sent to Juliet and Lassiter. One or both made Shawn cry. It'd happened to Kirk's baby girl when she found out her boyfriend was cheating on her with her sister. Needless to say, Kirk's baby's ex wasn't the only one in the hospital later. Kirk knew what had happened to Shawn. Rejection. It shined in Shawn's goofy grin he wore when he walked in and saw Lassiter. Kirk would send subtle glares to Lassiter now and then because he automatically went into overprotective father mode.

Karen began explaining a case about a kidnapping that, much to everyone's shock, Shawn and Gus had been following in the hospital and at home during their leave. Shawn tapped a picture of their ex-suspect. "He," the pineapple lover murmured, "is the one who did it. His alibi isn't able to be trusted as he was at his _mother's_ house the evening of the kidnapping. Mind you, he kidnapped his own niece and nephew, meaning his direct family was in on it."

"And the evidence, Spencer?" Karen demanded.

"I have some," Gus said proudly. From his bag, he pulled… Well, first he pulled Mr. Pumpkin Puffs which Shawn snatched away with the hand not holding Gus'.

Finally, after a bit of digging around, Gus produced a picture of the man and the "missing" children in the park the day previous.

"I went out to get some eggs, since Shawn didn't have any and I saw them." Chief Vick smiled.

"Well there we have it. McNab, Oryan, go arrest this man for kidnapping and his sister and mother for lying to federal agents," Karen ordered. As soon as the duo left, Karen turned her hard gaze on the four other adults in the room. Gus was whispering something in Shawn's ear and Shawn was grinning quite largely as he nodded. "Care to share with the class…?"

Shawn pretended to ponder her question and grinned at her. "No, teach," he said.

"Spencer," Lassiter spoke, "your eye is fine, right?"

Shawn blinked his good eye and his look turned ice cold.

"So, Chief, can we have our… Payment?" Shawn asked sweetly. His playful mood was lost in that one blink. The chief glared at Lassiter.

"It'll be in the mail tomorrow." Shawn nodded and began leaving with Gus. He was out the door and was waving to random people while Karen gave the other three looks. Gus came out and the duo made their way to the Psychmobile. Once there, Shawn sighed and looked at Gus. He nodded and both leaned against their respective sides of the car. Only a few moments later, Lassie came running out of the building. Shawn raised his visible eyebrow at the cop.

Lassiter took a deep breath and looked at Shawn. "Spencer, I'm sorry for… How I acted…"

Shawn huffed and a grin spread across his face. He jumped at Lassie and threw his arms around the man's neck. "You can repay me by getting me a pineapple smoothie," whispered Shawn.

"Now…?" Lassiter asked, looking at Gus' car.

"YES!" Shawn screamed as he jumped away. "TO THE PSYCHMOBILE!!!" and he dove into shotgun. Carlton sighed and climbed into the back seat.

"So?" Gus inquired as he climbed in.

"Lassie-Face declared his undying love for me and sweetly offered to buy me a pineapple smoothie," Shawn cheered, his usual grin back on his face.

"No, really. What did he," Gus waved over his shoulder, "say?"

Shawn sighed and shook his head as the front seat duo got buckled. "I _told_ you Milly."

"Lass, what did you say?" Gus inquired.

With a completely straight face and a sincere tone, Carlton said, "I declared my undying love for him and sweetly offered to buy him a pineapple smoothie. And I decided our first adopted child's name shall be Habib." Shawn nodded at those words and grinned at the name.

"Seeeeeeeeeeeee, Gus?" Shawn cried out as Gus began driving.

"Shut up, Shawn." Gus rolled his eyes at Shawn. "So, Carlton, what are you going to do about Jules?"

"Break up with her," was Carlton's reply.

Airily, Shawn said, "She's so stupid, what the hell were you thinkin'?" and for no reason whatsoever, Shawn and Gus burst out laughing.

"What…?" Carlton stared at the pair blankly. "What the hell is so funny?" Shawn had his arm around his waist as he cackled. Gus had to pull over he was laughing so hard. "WHAT THE HELL, SPENCER, MILLY?!"

Shawn managed to gasp out through his laughs and breaths, "I….. L-Love you t-too L-L-Lassie-Fa…" He couldn't even finish "face" due to his laughing.

_**~FIN~**_


End file.
